The Opponents
The Opponents are a Level-2 ice hockey team based in Irvine, California, USA. They are members of the Metropolis Hockey Organization. The club was founded in 2009 by Owner and GM fixedyard, who neither owns a yard nor if he did would it likely be functional. In their three-season existence, the Opponents have made the playoffs all three times, winning one Dominance Trophy and one Metro Cup. Since their inception, the Opponents have never had a losing season. The Opponents are currently on hiatus. History The Opponents were founded in mid-2009. Every once and a while they join a league and actually play. Most of the time they just sit around because they're lazy and hard to motivate. What are you gonna do? Also, one time a rabid dog came into the locker room. Nothing happened, but it was kind of scary, and really weird. Like, how did a dog get inside here? Plus the whole team was in the middle of getting dressed so when the dog came in everyone turned toward the dog and then realized they were all just standing there staring at each other's dicks. Like the fact that a dog with rabies might bite somebody's ass doesn't make it gay enough. I think one guy said "No Homo", though, so it was okay to take a look. A long, hard, throbbing look. Anyway I don't remember the whole thing with the dog but I think it turned out that the dog had a flat tire and needed someone to call roadside assistance. Unless I'm thinking of this other time where my friend Neil needed the roadside help and I'm confusing him with the dog, in which case, nevermind. Team Information Colors Red, Metallic Gold, Black Mascot Donald Duck, in a devil costume. It's really cool. See? GOOD NEWS FANS: We have a new and improved mascot costume, which is now a one-piece that zips up in the back. No more is their a top piece and a malfunctioning bottom piece which has trouble staying attached to the top and often leaves you muttering "God..." as the man in the suit's exposed genitals flail about. Jersey Home Away Season-by-season record ''Note: W = Wins, L = Losses, GF = Goals for, GA = Goals against'' Current roster Coaching Staff Head Coach: Vladimir Rajaniemi Offensive Coach: Randy Gretzky (he says "No relation" but I think he just doesn't want that kind of attention. He doesn't look like Wayne, but he's fat so you can't really tell. Perhaps if he were skinny he'd look more like Wayne, but right now he looks more like he belongs to a family of elephant-seals.) Defensive Coach: Ryan Christeson Goalie Coach: Chad Dammann (He always says "Listen to Da-Man!" He thinks it's hilarious. It's not.) Honors Metro Cup *S3 Dominance Trophy *S3 Playoff MVP *Julius Mcgrath: S3 Leader's Torch *Radek Ditter: S3 Silver Sniper *Enoch Bullman (2nd Degree): S2 *Enoch Bullman (2nd Degree): S3 Phenom Trophy *Radek Ditter: S1 Quarterback Jacket *Todd Mullens (3rd Degree): S2 *Dominic Gollihar (1st Degree): S3 Brick Pads *Julius Mcgrath: S3 Team Captains *Radek Ditter, S1 - present Franchise individual records All of the following are '''single-season '''records. *Most goals: Enoch Bullman, 63 (S2) *Most assists: Radek Ditter, 67 (S2) *Most points: Enoch Bullman, 114 (S2) *Most penalty minutes: Dominic Gollihar, 53 (S3) *Most goals, defenseman: Todd Mullens, 18 (S2) *Most assists, defenseman: Dominic Gollihar, 58 (S3) *Most points, defenseman: Dominic Gollihar, 74 (S3) *Most goals, rookie: Enoch Bullman, 27 (S1) *Most assists, rookie: Radek Ditter, 28 (S1) *Most points, rookie: Enoch Bullman, 49 (S1) *Most wins in a season: Julius Mcgrath, 51 (S3) *Most shutouts in a season: Julius Mcgrath, 12 (S3)